The last entry dated 16 July 2013 was still on draft. Lol. I published it in Oct 2014.

Neglected this blog badly.

I went missing for quite long Yeah…. well, just that I’ve been updating our virtual life, mostly pictures (how i love uploading them….) and videos (capturing his milestones…..) through Facebook & Instagram.

Here I am again….. about 2 months ago. Lut Hanif turned 3. Fast right.

Firstly I would like to THANKS ALLAH for everything.EVERYTHING.How thankful I am to HIM for that greatest gift, Lut Hanif.

Exactly a year ago, I decided to quit my 12 years shift work in the petroleum industry.

WHY? All because of Lut Hanif.

Yup, I don’t get to see him everyday as my parents & sister do. errr 5-6 days. Sometimes 12 days straight  (once a month, where I have to work on alternate sat and sun back then).feel bad though leaving him and letting my family take care of him. Why don’t quit and be sahm? Well, I still wanna work definitelyjust that I wanna enjoy my weekend off and public holiday, at the same time upgrade myself, slowly yet surely taking my part time degree.

Wait, don’t compare my life and yours. There’s no right or wrong or hey you are bad mummy, why be out there working…NO NO NO don’t start…..we all have our reasons

I did SAHM-ing for 2 months.(money out alot, no money in LOL, CMI)

I did contract work for 7 months.

And yeah, I have a perm job in a healthcare industry doing Education, 4 months in the job, got my confirmation too. Alhamdulilah.

Currently,I’m enjoying every moments with Lut Hanif and family over the weekend.very deprived lor. Last time work only right. My weekends are mostly packed, something I just can’t keep up. Wedding, gathering, BBQ, playdates At one point, I would rather be at home, whaling, catching up with my movies and shows. Heh.

Motherhood so far, not an easy task.

There is really, no PERFECT way to be a good mother.We all tried but I do make MISTAKES.ALOT definitely.

I looked at Lut Hanif and realized that his development especially on his speech improves, from a late talker (30 months started talking only),he talks alot nowadays and more demanding. A follower, imitate whatever people do (pls imitate how to EAT please?), repetitive calling mummy mummy mummy mummy, orang dah boleh berbual Lol …….love outdoor,super hyper too. We love our reading session together. Due to his late speech, I made an effort to read daily, let him recognize words. It has been a fun bonding session thus far. Most of the videos were shared in Facebook and Ig. Wait, don’t get me wrong, I love to capture all his development, not to show off or challenge2 okay.Every moment I spent with him is priceless, of course I would love to keep it.That’s why I have youtube,facebook,twitter,IG and blog.A space to rant..and of course I started this blog in a way of document my journey of trying to conceive and now, my son development, milestones etc.

Your kids may know how to talk fluently but my son can’t.
Your kids may know how to write his own name, but my son don’t even know how hold his pencil correctly, still deciding left or right hands.LOL
Your kids may know to sing & dance, but my son is still trying to.
Your kids are well toilet trained, but my son is still struggling and learning to say Mummy kencing, Mummy berak.

So don’t compare.
They may develop early in other areas probably because they are busy concentrating on those other skills perhaps.

Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb but how you will bounce.
Take your time….

I’m not ashamed to say that, he still on diapers, bottle, “nak hot susu” – drinking PediaSure Milk and EAT biscuits ONLY (Baby Bites & Heinz Farley’s) As for now he seems to eat NOTHING but that. Sad but truth.

Oh how I see kids out there enjoying their ice cream,french fries, burgers, though Lut Hanif prefer M&M, Chupa chups Lollipops and specifically Yakult(green or purple).

Fussy?Picky?You think.

Suddenly, a year ago. he decide that he HATE everything, even foods he ate daily. (Fried rice, nasi telur with kicap, chicken rice, roti spread with nutella…)
He insist on eating the same biscuit at every meal.Rejected fruits too.(oh how much he loves banana and we have to stop him!)

I wonder where I gone wrong.
I asked myself. Am I too lenient? no consistency? 
I’m being concerned and worried definitely here. Only Allah Knows.

Convincing myself,be patience,one day he will eat a proper meal.One day son.You will.

And again let me say it.

All mothers throughout would definitely share the same basic goal for their children.The BEST for your children.Definitely.

All we can do is take the means,the end is up to HIM.


Never give up.WE can do it yo.

Let’s pray that we are able to teach and raise our child, in your any other way which is RIGHT for you.

To my precious son, Lut Hanif,
Have an awesome possum Three…A start to your childhood.
Enjoy growing up.
Sorry that we don’t celebrate birthday, but instead we thanks Allah for all blessings and of course the tokens we got from you lovely people out there.
We gladly appreciate them.

We’re missing the roadtrips and food AGAIN….

His first roadtrip was during his 68th days , barely 3 months, we hit the road up North with Ayah’s maternal family.

Ayah & Mummy love roadtrips so much and of course it was all about the FOOD in KL.

Everything HALAL you know.

Subway, Tony Romas, Carls Junior, Chilis, TGIF….and many2 more lor.


And we were back on his 9 months +, that impromptu roadtrip where we booked our accomodation a week before.

The quality time with the men.

It was a blast!

And definitely its all about  food and food yet AGAIN …heee…and abit of shopping.

SALE yoooo….

If you like food, KL is the place definitely.
Let the pictures do the talking again yeah…



And we heading up North again, this coming weekend with our new ride.

Woot woot.

Melaka and KL here we come…..bringing Atok Sarip, Nenek & Nenek Long along.

Pray for our safety.

Im not

Tested negative.

Though Im late for a month. Period gone haywire yet again.

InsyaAllah, have faith, will keep on trying naturally till next year, once everything settle down we will proceed for our embryos transfers.

Remember we have 6 embryos waiting….InsyaAllah. HE is great. One day HE will grant us with another offspring.

am i

The morning of AidilAdha, I dreamt about me being pregnant….

*OOOooooo when was my last period?hmmmm

Rain is a blessing

Once I sang for Lut Hanif, ” rain, rain go away, come again another day..” ,then came Ayah, he stopped me,” Dont sing that, rain is a blessing.Bad and good that comes from HIM, ask for protection…”

It’s raining so heavily now, and I du’a, “Ya Allah, make the rain be a beneficial rain to us….”


Back to the lyrics, Mummy need to change right,hmmm…how about “rain, rain, pour pour pour, Thanks Allah for all the blessing….”

Okay right!!

10 months and growing

Now, its all about you, Lut Hanif.

Alhamdulilah. you turns 10 months today.

You grow so fast. Time goes so fast too…..Thanks Allah.

Being a mother is challenging, but very fulfilling.Struggling here and there of course but I wont change it for the world. Motherhood is not without its challenges right. It is true that everything changes when you have children. All of our priorities changes too.  Mummy is still learning here.

Good friends always reminds me babies are unique and develop at their own pace.

You are unique in your own ways my dear son.

Grow well and be a pious son. InsyaAllah

 2 months more to your 1st…..

Confession of a working mother

Nothing new just confession of a working mother who has to leave her son at her parent’s place (Bedok) & work (Pandan Loop) to pay house (CCK) bills, loans, etc. Reality.

Lut Hanif will be turning 6 months in a few days time. How time flies. Weighing from 3kg, he gained to a hefty 8kg now. Growing well son, Alhamdulilah.

Motherhood is one of HIS greatest rewards in life. And, Alhamdulilah, I have been blessed with this opportunity. Importantly, it has been a wonderful experience and nothing will ever take the place of the emotions I felt the first time I held him in my arms. His first breath.

After my maternity leave of 3 months +,Im back to work & it’s the beginning of rollercoaster ride of emotions especially for most working mother. Am I right?  Most of the time, I don’t get to see him everyday as my parents & sister do. errr 5-6 days. Sometimes 12 days straight  (once a month, where I have to work on alternate sat and sun), that’s my work schedule for you.  But we did squeezed in time to visit him before or after our shift work. Rindu anak oiii.

Lut Hanif is indeed very lucky to have extremely caring & enthusiatic grandmother taking care of him. She quit her part time job upon his grand appearance solely to take care of him & me during my confinement. May Allah bless her. Not to mention the love he gets from the grandparents, my siblings, cousins ,aunties & uncles. Alhamdulilah.

The truth here, I do have fear of whether will he recognize me as his mother. The one that give birth to him. Well, I just feel that we did spend our quality time with him on our off days. Is it sufficient enough?

Not to mention, missing  his first word, missing him every other minutes, messaging my sister to send videos and pictures of him. And the list goes on and on….

The pain of staying away from your first born.Hurt.

Everyday, I will be calling my mother to check on him. In the office, I will be like,

“Hello lut hanif!”

“Mummy here.”

“Mummy work. Ayah work. Lut Hanif at nenek house”

“What are you doing?” “Drink your milk.” “Eat your biskot?”

Singing twinkle-twinkle little stars, A,B,C 1,2 ,3 to him.


Even my colleagues would join in my conversation with him. Hilarious.

Soon, we have to make some changes and decisions. (Mummy wanna see you everyday you know!)  InsyaAllah, the best for him. For our family.

Boy always reminds me, the first madrassah for a child is the MOTHER who should try their level best to raise a pious child. InsyaAllah Lut Hanif, I will be here for you to be the best example, a good role model.

Mummy & Ayah will need some time.